”..both of us wanting to believe in each other, but
both of us wanting proof. And that, as they say, ‘was the [heck] of
it.’” - Magnum, P.I.
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Children: An Emblem of Love
"God sent His Son, they called Him Jesus. He came to love, heal and forgive. He lived and died to buy my pardon, an empty grave is there to prove my Saviour lives!"
Today I was thinking about my parent's divorce. I never understood it as clearly as I do today. I think about how it makes me fearful that I should enter a loveless marriage. Though, I also think about the end product of my mother and father's union = my brother and I. So I say, even when there is 'no love' in a marriage, and a man and a woman divorce/separate it is their children that validate the marvelous possibility for the forsaken love to still exist. Children are a reminder of a love that once existed between two people that must go on. Or is it because two parents divorce that their children suddenly scientifically and physiologically divorce themselves from their cells into nonexistence? No. Love continues symbolized through a fixed whole representing halves of a whole body, spirit, and heart. That is why even when a man and a woman divorce it is more on paper than in spirit, for the child carries on the spirit forward.
Today I was thinking about my parent's divorce. I never understood it as clearly as I do today. I think about how it makes me fearful that I should enter a loveless marriage. Though, I also think about the end product of my mother and father's union = my brother and I. So I say, even when there is 'no love' in a marriage, and a man and a woman divorce/separate it is their children that validate the marvelous possibility for the forsaken love to still exist. Children are a reminder of a love that once existed between two people that must go on. Or is it because two parents divorce that their children suddenly scientifically and physiologically divorce themselves from their cells into nonexistence? No. Love continues symbolized through a fixed whole representing halves of a whole body, spirit, and heart. That is why even when a man and a woman divorce it is more on paper than in spirit, for the child carries on the spirit forward.
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Solitude in Nature, May 5, 2013
"Because I'll never hold the picture of the whole horizon in my view, because I'll never rip the night in two - it makes me wonder, 'Who am I?' and Great are you Lord!" ~ Downhere
As I stream through pictures from holidays at the university when I had free time, I note that most of my pictures are closeups and landscapes of nature.
Saturday, December 28, 2013
The Opposite Way
I fill my gut like a malnourished infant, always crying, it's never enough.
Never finding the sanctified panacea to warm my soul to the love of Christ.
Like a misled child, I am slow-to-warm-up - I fear the very thing that cures me.
I sting my veins to the brim with ephemeral potions of lust, hate, and pride.
Cum laude I am embraced by cords of superficial scholasticism and arrogant autonomy.
Swimming mid-distance of a deep lake, I am overcome by a revolting realization that I do not know where I am heading, and I have no safeguard of familiarity to calm me - I choose to end it all.
So I drown.
Down.
Deep.
Dreading.
Dying.
I drown myself in thoughts of 'not-good-enough', 'shoulda-coulda-woulda', 'what will they think', and 'what ifs' of eternal sorts...
What if they don't accept me? What if I am never the young woman that God created me to be?
So I choose, I make a choice. Better to take action, better to make mistakes because then I'll grow, right?
I made many choices, many seemed to be right, but they all seemed to lead nowhere.
I follow the path my mom suggested, it wasn't good enough.
I follow the path the world wants, I didn't like it like I thought I would.
I follow the path I want, I still struggle.
Perhaps after another failure I will finally ask my Father what He wants me to do?
Perhaps then I will know what really went wrong,
perhaps then I'll actually be able to see my childhood Jesus that has come to tell me
"I who speak to you am He."
Never finding the sanctified panacea to warm my soul to the love of Christ.
Like a misled child, I am slow-to-warm-up - I fear the very thing that cures me.
I sting my veins to the brim with ephemeral potions of lust, hate, and pride.
Cum laude I am embraced by cords of superficial scholasticism and arrogant autonomy.
Swimming mid-distance of a deep lake, I am overcome by a revolting realization that I do not know where I am heading, and I have no safeguard of familiarity to calm me - I choose to end it all.
So I drown.
Down.
Deep.
Dreading.
Dying.
I drown myself in thoughts of 'not-good-enough', 'shoulda-coulda-woulda', 'what will they think', and 'what ifs' of eternal sorts...
What if they don't accept me? What if I am never the young woman that God created me to be?
So I choose, I make a choice. Better to take action, better to make mistakes because then I'll grow, right?
I made many choices, many seemed to be right, but they all seemed to lead nowhere.
I follow the path my mom suggested, it wasn't good enough.
I follow the path the world wants, I didn't like it like I thought I would.
I follow the path I want, I still struggle.
Perhaps after another failure I will finally ask my Father what He wants me to do?
Perhaps then I will know what really went wrong,
perhaps then I'll actually be able to see my childhood Jesus that has come to tell me
"I who speak to you am He."
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Know God, Know Peace
I was looking over old posts, and as I read over my first blog post I had an epiphany.
In Romans, Paul speaks much about and how without faith, its keeping is dead.1
So in other words, we can't keep the law without faith, even if we go to church every weekend or do good acts of kindness, what we do is worthless if we do not have faith. I also thought about how God shows us through His word that without faith it is impossible to please Him. 2
That's kind of scary to me, it really cuts deep in the sense that all my efforts for His kingdom are worthless if I don't have my heart completely in my efforts.3
I also thought about the last verse of my first blog posting, it says "Great peace have those who love your law, and nothing causes them to stumble."4
I thought about what it means to love the law and I remembered the words of John,
"But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love...God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them."5
In other words,
we need
faith for the law
faith for the law of love = love for God6
it is the law of love, because it is not just a set of rules, without love/God, the law can be tossed and flipped and completely distorted,7
e.g. This is what happened with the Pharisees, they forgot about the God whom they served, just like the Israelites did so many times in the wilderness [Old Testament] and ended up focusing on trivial matters like not washing your hands before eating.8
Of course Jesus knew the importance of this verse, but like the all-knowing and heart-searching God that He is, He pointed out what was really going on in the heart of the matter: He replied, "And why do you break the command of God for the sake of your tradition?" 8
The Pharisees were so set in on themselves, on the god of self-dependence they had created that they did not even recognize their Saviour when He came, as the the writings that they were supposed to know inside and out well said; "Well then, if you teach others, why don't you teach yourself?"9
What we must remember:
God = love5
faith for the law of God = Godliness/knowing true love
knowing true love = knowing true peace
love for the law = great peace4
true keeping of the law = great peace
if God = love, then it is in Godly keeping of the law that we come to know peace.
When we keep the law of love in faith, we will get to know love better and experience great peace.
Thank you God for this revelation! :)
1 Romans 3:27
2 Hebrews 11:6
3 Mark 12:30
4 Psalms 119:165
5 1 John 4:8, 16 [latter]
6 1 John 5:3
7 1 John 2:3-5
8 Matthew 15:2,3
8 Romans 2:21
In Romans, Paul speaks much about and how without faith, its keeping is dead.1
So in other words, we can't keep the law without faith, even if we go to church every weekend or do good acts of kindness, what we do is worthless if we do not have faith. I also thought about how God shows us through His word that without faith it is impossible to please Him. 2
That's kind of scary to me, it really cuts deep in the sense that all my efforts for His kingdom are worthless if I don't have my heart completely in my efforts.3
I also thought about the last verse of my first blog posting, it says "Great peace have those who love your law, and nothing causes them to stumble."4
I thought about what it means to love the law and I remembered the words of John,
"But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love...God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them."5
In other words,
we need
faith for the law
faith for the law of love = love for God6
it is the law of love, because it is not just a set of rules, without love/God, the law can be tossed and flipped and completely distorted,7
e.g. This is what happened with the Pharisees, they forgot about the God whom they served, just like the Israelites did so many times in the wilderness [Old Testament] and ended up focusing on trivial matters like not washing your hands before eating.8
Of course Jesus knew the importance of this verse, but like the all-knowing and heart-searching God that He is, He pointed out what was really going on in the heart of the matter: He replied, "And why do you break the command of God for the sake of your tradition?" 8
The Pharisees were so set in on themselves, on the god of self-dependence they had created that they did not even recognize their Saviour when He came, as the the writings that they were supposed to know inside and out well said; "Well then, if you teach others, why don't you teach yourself?"9
What we must remember:
God = love5
faith for the law of God = Godliness/knowing true love
knowing true love = knowing true peace
love for the law = great peace4
true keeping of the law = great peace
if God = love, then it is in Godly keeping of the law that we come to know peace.
When we keep the law of love in faith, we will get to know love better and experience great peace.
Thank you God for this revelation! :)
1 Romans 3:27
2 Hebrews 11:6
3 Mark 12:30
4 Psalms 119:165
5 1 John 4:8, 16 [latter]
6 1 John 5:3
7 1 John 2:3-5
8 Matthew 15:2,3
8 Romans 2:21
Monday, June 6, 2011
A Dedication
First I owe my thanks to Jesus Christ my Saviour, who saw my greatest need and fed it through a relationship with Him, who saw me before my own grandmother existed and felt excited for my presence, who challenged me to aim higher even in the midst of the fear and the very real evil of this world.
Second and lastly, for a third might defeat the purpose [for the blog] of this ode, I must thank the availability of this blog, Blogger, its makers, by golly gee, the Internet! And yes, that is a thanks all in one. But it is a great one because I am truly grateful for your unfailing availability, not often ruined by the elements as paper [journal] is, and just by your ability to be known, to be put out there in a space [cloud space] not known to man several decades ago but so efficient and so convenient yet 'curseworthy' at times. Regardless, this is a positive ode. I thank you for a space [Blogger page] as well to post my feelings, to expand upon what I have already known through expression of words that quickly become old knowledge, making room, encouraging sanity for the new and the brave. Thank you for in letting me express my self through diction, I was able to revisit my 'at times' scathing thoughts towards my sins and brethren and see how unworthy I am of the cross, and how truly and inevitably humbled one should be in light of such undeserving grace from a worthy and Awesome! Saviour :)
You have been a sort of indirect guidance back to my primordial roots, you have given me more than a hobby, but rather a lifelong habit towards knowing myself, and therefore seeking the Saviour :)
Second and lastly, for a third might defeat the purpose [for the blog] of this ode, I must thank the availability of this blog, Blogger, its makers, by golly gee, the Internet! And yes, that is a thanks all in one. But it is a great one because I am truly grateful for your unfailing availability, not often ruined by the elements as paper [journal] is, and just by your ability to be known, to be put out there in a space [cloud space] not known to man several decades ago but so efficient and so convenient yet 'curseworthy' at times. Regardless, this is a positive ode. I thank you for a space [Blogger page] as well to post my feelings, to expand upon what I have already known through expression of words that quickly become old knowledge, making room, encouraging sanity for the new and the brave. Thank you for in letting me express my self through diction, I was able to revisit my 'at times' scathing thoughts towards my sins and brethren and see how unworthy I am of the cross, and how truly and inevitably humbled one should be in light of such undeserving grace from a worthy and Awesome! Saviour :)
You have been a sort of indirect guidance back to my primordial roots, you have given me more than a hobby, but rather a lifelong habit towards knowing myself, and therefore seeking the Saviour :)
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