Why is it that I go throughout the day with my highest goal in mind to be kind and at peace with my brothers and sisters, and then go to bed and find myself an insomniac only entertaining and preconceiving frustrations?
I wish that I did not have to "die daily".
I feel like such a failure in this respect.
Though at the same time, as I write these words I can't help but feel glad to know that my Saviour surely uses this as a way to show my great need for Him.
No reminder - not my descendants, who my family is, what my race is - ever gives me as fulfilling purpose as that of being a child and servant of the Great King. Indubitably, such traits of life are conclusively for His sole purpose. :)
It's amazing to think that I have no control over anything, Nothing at all! The reason it's so amazing to me is because, time and time again I try to fix situations in my life so that I - delusionally - am in control over them. I don't know what it is, this hunger to ever be in control of life. It's so silly, how I think I possess control even over little things like fixing and organizing. The truth is, nothing in this life will ever remain the same! It's enough to drive one nuts!
But the most amazing, marvelous, and awe-inspiring thing
is that God,
being the only constant for humanity,
intended life to be just this way (Him as constant).
I wish that I did not have to "die daily".
I feel like such a failure in this respect.
Though at the same time, as I write these words I can't help but feel glad to know that my Saviour surely uses this as a way to show my great need for Him.
No reminder - not my descendants, who my family is, what my race is - ever gives me as fulfilling purpose as that of being a child and servant of the Great King. Indubitably, such traits of life are conclusively for His sole purpose. :)
It's amazing to think that I have no control over anything, Nothing at all! The reason it's so amazing to me is because, time and time again I try to fix situations in my life so that I - delusionally - am in control over them. I don't know what it is, this hunger to ever be in control of life. It's so silly, how I think I possess control even over little things like fixing and organizing. The truth is, nothing in this life will ever remain the same! It's enough to drive one nuts!
But the most amazing, marvelous, and awe-inspiring thing
is that God,
being the only constant for humanity,
intended life to be just this way (Him as constant).
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